The Hole

Sometimes I have trouble coming up with content that will capture people's attention in this large online world we call the blogosphere. I get a little overwhelmed, and it's times like these when I feel like I'm not a very interesting person!

Style icons, vintage collectors, beauty pros, supermoms, fitness rockstars, cooking queens, wonder wifeys, artsy crafters, traveling wanderers, and everyone in between are sharing thousands of inspiring stories that are being published nonstop throughout the interwebs.

I'm not sure where I fit in here.

In real life...
I spend most weekends at home with my dogs.
Josh and I rarely go out on the town.
I don't own a fancy camera.
I rarely go shopping.
I don't travel often.
I barely cook.
I don't diet.
I do stay home on my little futon, watch TV series, and bust out designs.

And I do know one other thing I do quite well... Confessions.

So, I'm just gonna do my thing and get a little personal with what's been on my heart lately. The question is, are you ready for a large dose of #truth? Cuz I got some big news and it comes with a story if you're willing to read...

So, truth be told... I have a love/hate relationship with my frenemy, money.

Let me fill you in a little bit on what has been going on behind the scenes...

I've never gone into depth on this particular subject before, but Josh and I have been struggling pretty heavily in the finance department for a year now. Ever since we've been married we have gone through a lot of ups and downs - job losses, debt, unemployment, having to move because we couldn't afford the rent, our car getting repossessed, asking people for money... *cringe*

It's been a rough road. We have dug ourselves into a hole and have been sitting at the bottom of it searching for a way out.  I'm pretty sure I developed a case of mild depression along the way...

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Earlier this year we were planning on just giving up, selling everything we own, and moving back home with my Mom in Connecticut. September was the month we were going to do it.

A clean slate. A fresh start. A new beginning.

(sorry if this is totally depressing and you want to pin pictures of cupcakes and sparkles - I understand, but bare with me - a happy ending awaits).

Josh had been working graveyards this whole year doing IT technical support, and I would rarely see him except for when I stayed up past 2:00 AM and sometimes on Saturday nights/Sunday afternoons. I dreaded his hours, but we needed the money, even if it was just enough to get us by.

I constantly told him he could do so much better, and then over this past summer he applied for a position at a national and growing company that needed IT representatives. He ended up nailing his interview, and after we waited a couple weeks with anticipation, they said he was overqualified... #suchabummer

(Don't worry - the kitty memes will still be there, just hold off a few more minutes)

BUT... a few weeks later, he was asked to come back and interview, and this time for a manager position.

My man is ridiculously smart, confident, and does amazing with interviews, but with his odd hours he had turned into an insomniac. In fact, he stayed up all night researching and getting ready for this huge opportunity.

The next day I called him on my way home from work hoping for good news, only to wake him up and help him realize that he had actually slept through his alarm and consequently missed his appointment. #epicfail

(...step away from the razor blade, the worst is almost over)

He was steaming with anger and disappointment with himself, and we both assumed the worst.

He quickly called the manager extremely apologetic, and thankfully they were kind enough to give him another chance, but warned he would have to be extra impressive at his interview to win over the people he accidentally stood up.

With my support, the right mindset, and belief in himself, my baby nailed it again, and a couple weeks later we finally got the news that they were ready to hire him on... with double what he was making before! #hugerelief #happydance #isthisreallife

(it's ok, you can smile now!)

For some odd reason, the universe has served us some brutal hands in the past. Something or someone is always there to screw with us - a stupid mistake will set us back or a promised opportunity will turn sour. It's as if someone upstairs is pointing and laughing at us every time we try to dig ourselves out of our hole. We have been playing this "one step forward two steps back" game for far too long now, and it seems, for once, things are finally going the way we intended them to.

However, as thrilled as I am, I'm still in this "broke state of mind." Even as we collect his first couple paychecks, part of me wonders if it's going to bounce or if it was calculated wrong.

You see... it's hard trusting a good thing for fear it's too good to be true. Sometimes it's easier to wish upon a star and dream of a better tomorrow, than to accept and act on what's real.

We're not technically out of the hole just yet, but for once I'm looking forward with hope. Today I'm choosing to dust the dirt off my shoulder, build a new step each day, and envision the beauty as we get closer to the surface.

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What low points in your life have made you who you are today? 

Anonymous confessions are welcome!