Been a while, I know. Sixty-six days to be exact.
I wish I had some kind of goal-setting project theme behind it, like, "My 66 Days Without Blogging," but... it wasn't anything like that.
There were a multitude of reasons that led me to putting my blogging thoughts on the shelf for the better part of summer... and truly? I still feel a little stuck in my mind.
As an analytical perfectionist with frequent anxiety, it's tough for me to continue a momentum of positivity within myself - especially when I know people will be reading the end result.
I found myself on this carousel of inspiration, fear, and doubt... until I was so dizzy I couldn't think. And all the while the clock was ticking, and I'd be sitting there as my music played, sometimes for hours, trying to put into words what I wanted to say...
And I'd overthink it. I'd get frustrated. I'd want to stop. I'd blame myself for being unorganized. I'd question my writing, my creativity, my ability to focus. I'd ask myself how other people were doing it. I'd compare... and I'd want to give up.
So I did... well, temporarily.
Honestly it felt really good to just live in my own private world without a narrative - to get off the ride and walk around the rest of the park, if you will.
I did lots of things to replace the time I spent blogging - I cooked more, I cleaned, I shopped, I decorated, I traveled, I spent time with family and friends... I even worked out there for while! Most importantly I minimized my time on the computer and only opened my laptop to interact with clients and complete design work. I liked it that way.
But even in my newfound peace of mind, there was something missing.
It felt like I had put all these years of effort and attention to detail building this beautiful carousel - a complete and honest reflection of myself - only to shut it down. And not just for me, but for everyone else standing in line waiting. I was missing the ride, however scary and dizzying it sometimes would be.
I needed to get back on and try again with a fresh perspective.
I'm not sure where it's leading me this time, hopefully to better places and states of mind, but one thing is for sure moving forward - I'm going to just RELAX and ENJOY myself.
I'll post when I want to, and when I can. I'll be taking a more natural approach in the hopes of having this place be a more honest reflection of who I really am. I'm not going to try and define it by any particular topic, but by my character. Most of all I'm going to HAVE FUN and stop taking it so seriously.
I like to think I have that luxury. Unlike other bloggers, I don't really have a sponsored agenda for this blog. Sometimes I think I'd like to have those goals, but then again I've already followed my original ambition - and that was getting my degree in Graphic Design, which was just over a year ago.
Today I've got my art in the shop, design inquiries in my email, and a queue of clientele waiting for my first draft. Design was my only money-making strategy when I started this blog, and no matter how many times I try to convince myself I'm falling behind on my blogging goals, when I put things into perspective I realize I'm pretty well on track... and there's no reason to give up now.
(By the way, thanks to all those reading this post - and to those of you who encouraged me while I was gone - tweeting, emailing, Facebooking, Instagramming... etc. - I love you.)
Now... who's ready to ride?